Woman should be expert in cooking. That is their natural tendency. They should be educated how to cook nicely, how to please the husband, how to take care of the children. This is Vedic civilization. In the beginning a woman, childhood, she’s trained up by the mother. Then as soon as she is married, formerly, child-marriage, so she’s transferred to the care of mother-in-law. There she is trained up. Then she becomes very good housewife, takes care of household affairs, husband, children, and home becomes happy. What is this nonsense, divorce? There is no such thing in the Vedic civilization, divorce. You must accept whatever God has given you as husband or wife, you must. They had no thinking even, idea of divorce. One may not agree with the husband. That is natural. Sometimes we do not agree. But there is no question of divorce.

Again, Prabhupad says women should be educated how to cook nicely. How to please the husband. How to take care of children. She must be trained to become very good housewife, taking care of the household affairs, husband, children. Then the home becomes happy. An interesting point here is that when a girl is married prior to puberty she is turned over to the care of her mother-in-law and further trained by her. The mother of the girl’s husband knows best the likes and dislikes of the future husband to be. So the girl is given final training by her mother-in-law how to become best servant of her husband-to-be. In place of mother-in-law for the brahmacarinis would be the mother in charge of the brahmacarini ashram.

A most important instruction is, what ever husband God gives you, the wife must accept. What ever wife God gives you, the husband must accept. Must. No question of rejection. What Krishna has given you, you simply accept it. Even if he is not so perfect, not as advanced, what ever, as long as he remains devotee of Krishna, despite his other weaknesses, the wife has to accept him and remain faithful. And the husband must remain responsible. Life is eternal, this is only one short life out of unlimited lives. If we get a bad bargain in this life, then as Srila Prabhupad is famous for saying, simply make the best use of the bad bargain and get out. Tolerate the weaknesses of the husband and remain submissive, then there will be no fights. In the overall scheme, your life will be happier than divorce and remarriage again and again. Birth and re-birth.

Room Conversation Chicago July 9, 1975

Nowadays may be different, but I am speaking of the Vedic ideas, that woman in all circumstances, unless the husband is crazy or something like that, mad, or..., in every case the instance is that wife is faithful and subservient to the husband. That is the Vedic culture

Unless the husband is mad, crazy, she must remain faithful and subservient to the husband that Krishna has given. Sometimes men may go into a rage while fighting with the wife. But, stop and think, they would not be fighting with the wife if they had been subservient and submissive. Their husband would not have gotten angry or fought with them, if they don’t fight and only speak sweetly, even when it is hard to do so.

Bhagavatam 3:21:15 Purport

... Kardama Muni wanted to have a wife of like disposition because a wife is necessary to assist in spiritual and material advancement. It is said that a wife yields the fulfillment of all desires in religion, economic development and sense gratification. If one has a nice wife, he is to be considered a most fortunate man. In astrology, a man is considered fortunate who has great wealth, very good sons or a very good wife. Of these three, one who has a very good wife is considered the most fortunate. Before marrying, one should select a wife of like disposition and not be enamored by so-called beauty or other attractive features for sense gratification

The wife is necessary for most men as she helps him subdue his desire for sense gratification and assists him in his spiritual and material advancement. A man who gets a wife like Devahuti or one that worships and serves her husband as Laxmi does Narayan, such a man is the most fortunate, most fortunate, without any doubt.

As we see, virtually all of the instructions dealing with the qualities and duties of women in a Vedic society found in the Bhagavatam and Prabhupad's teachings center around the concept that the women must be, at all times, dependent upon the protection of a man, subservient. By worshipping her husband as Laxmi worships Narayan this will create a truly peaceful home-life thus providing a situation where elevated souls will take birth. In such a peaceful setting the children can become elevated. This will create a situation in which the world can again become peaceful due to the presence of so many elevated souls.

Room Conversation Vrndaban 6 28 77

You see here that all young girls are carrying water, collecting. In the morning collecting water, cleansing the house, utensils, clothes, taking bath, then cooking, those girls. Their first business. Man’s business is to earn money, go to the market, the necessities. Woman’s business is take care of household affairs, children, and they have got engagement. And in the presence of father or elder brother or husband, a woman has to earn livelihood—that’s a great insult... As soon as they allow young girl to mix with young boys—finished
....And if nice children are there in the society, they will become responsible men. Then there will be no disturbance in the society. Everything will go on smoothly.
...So I have studied practically. Vedic way of simple life is the best. And unless you adopt the Vedic way of simple life, you’ll be implicated, material desires. There is no end..
...Just to live. Just like sleeping—we require bedding. And why shall I be dissatisfied if there is no good bedstead and no silk, silver and, or, and this, that, so...? Within my means, whatever comforts are available, I make satisfaction. Why shall I make competition?

Simple Vedic village life. It is the best way of life. Girls and boys must be kept separate. Women's business is household affairs, raising children and some engagement, husband's business is to earn living at the market. Simple village life is wanted. Then everything mentioned here will work smoothly.

We can't try to implement one or two things, it won't work. We won't get the actual result. We must strive for taking up Vedic culture and living it. Make life simple. For the wife, the household affairs. The husband working. Then happiness will come.

Be satisfied with what ever Krishna supplies. Brahmana Vaishnav’s shouldn’t be so concerned with too many material comforts. Be satisfied even if there is no bedstead, so silk or silver plates. What ever is in the easy means of the husband, the husband and wife should accept as Krishna’s mercy and make do. That is simple living - high thinking.

The point I made earlier, that when boys and girls mix freely, everything will be finished. That has to be stopped.

Room Conversation Detroit June 14, 1976

Pusta Krsna: Prabhupada was explaining how in India even the poorest people, they live, husband, wife, family, like this, in very...

Prabhupada: Happy.

Pusta Krsna: ...simple quarters.

Prabhupada: Happily they live. As soon as there is no quarrel between the husband and wife, the home will be happy. And as soon as there is misunderstanding between husband, wife, it will be hell. So the principle is the husband honestly tries to earn livelihood, and at home the wife should be so intelligent that whatever money the husband has earned, she’ll manage. She’ll not demand, "Bring money, bring money, bring money. Otherwise it cannot be..." Then the home will be happy. So where is that training?

That is what I am asking as well, "Where is that training?"

As soon as there is fight, misunderstanding, married life becomes hell.

Wife should be satisfied with what ever the husband can honestly provide. As soon as there is no quarrel between husband and wife, then the home will be happy. Happiness in family life is not dependent on money. Some money is needed to live, but money is not the key to happiness.

It is the duty of the husband to make an honest attempt at maintaining the family. And the wife must be intelligent and get by and be satisfied with what ever Krishna and her husband gives. This is the key to happiness. The wife should not demand the husband, bring more money, more money. We require plate for eating, why bother if it isn't silver? We need a bed, so why bother if it isn’t an expensive bedstead? This is the nature of brahmanas.

Srimad Bhagavatam 4.3.24 Purport

For a woman, both the husband and the father are equally worshipable. The husband is the protector of a woman during her youthful life, whereas the father is her protector during her childhood. Thus both are worshipable, but especially the father because he is the giver of the body

Srimad Bhagavatam 9.6.53 PURPORT

As stated in Bhagavad-Gita (9.32), striyo vaisyas tatha sudras te ‘pi yanti param gatim. Women are not considered very powerful in following spiritual principles, but if a woman is fortunate enough to get a suitable husband who is spiritually advanced and if she always engages in his service, she also gets the same benefit as her husband. Here it is clearly said that the wives of Saubhari Muni also entered the spiritual world by the influence of their husband. They were unfit, but because they were faithful followers of their husband, they also entered the spiritual world with him. Thus a woman should be a faithful servant of her husband, and if the husband is spiritually advanced, the woman will automatically get the opportunity to enter the spiritual world

The key points here, again the same as pointed out before, is that not just any wife shares in the spiritual advancement of her husband, but it is only the wife who always engages in his service. The wife who is faithful and submissive, she shares in her husband’s advancement. Not an argumentative and non-submissive wife. Such a wife may take birth again and again in this world, while her husband of this life may never return, residing in the Vaikunthas.

Srimad Bhagavatam 3.23.2

O Vidura, Devahuti served her husband with intimacy and great respect, with control of the senses, with love and with sweet words.

PURPORT

Here two words are very significant. Devahuti served her husband in two ways, visrambhena and gauravena. These are two important processes in serving the husband or the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Visrambhena means "with intimacy," and gauravena means "with great reverence." The husband is a very intimate friend; therefore, the wife must render service just like an intimate friend, and at the same time she must understand that the husband is superior in position, and thus she must offer him all respect. A man’s psychology and woman’s psychology are different. As constituted by bodily frame, a man always wants to be superior to his wife, and a woman, as bodily constituted, is naturally inferior to her husband. Thus the natural instinct is that the husband wants to post himself as superior to the wife, and this must be observed. Even if there is some wrong on the part of the husband, the wife must tolerate it, and thus there will be no misunderstanding between husband and wife. Visrambhena means "with intimacy," but it must not be familiarity that breeds contempt. According to the Vedic civilization, a wife cannot call her husband by name. In the present civilization the wife calls her husband by name, but in Hindu civilization she does not. Thus the inferiority and superiority complexes are recognized. Damena ca: a wife has to learn to control herself even if there is a misunderstanding. Sauhrdena vaca madhuraya means always desiring good for the husband and speaking to him with sweet words. A person becomes agitated by so many material contacts in the outside world; therefore, in his home life he must be treated by his wife with sweet words.

Srila Prabhupad said, "As constituted by bodily frame, a man always wants to be superior to his wife … Thus the natural instinct is that the husband wants to post himself as superior to the wife, and this must be observed "

This is a most important concept that all women must properly understand. This is the key to understanding why women must take the submissive position. It is man’s natural tendency, his natural instinct. It comes along with the material male body. He wants to post himself as superior to the wife.

In this modern world this is considered male chauvinism. It is considered socially wrong. However, the Vedas teach that this is the natural material tendency of souls conditioned in male material bodies, and, therefore, it organizes society around these natural tendencies. Vedic culture deals honestly and harmoniously with reality. Modern society tries to put it’s head in the sand, it attempts to deny reality. It attempts to artificially create a make-believe false-reality.

Interesting to note is that on one of the TV news-documentary shows (maybe it was Prime-Time-Live) several years back they interviewed an 8 year old boy and his mother. The boy was being raised without a father. The mother complained that when she asked or told her son to do something, he kept putting it off, even if she screamed, begged, pleaded, threatened, he just ignored her. But, when her brother came over, he only asked once, and the boy would jump into action. They asked the boy why he ignores his mother, yet obeys his uncle. The 8 year old replied because his uncle is a man, but his mother is a woman. He said that he just can’t stand being told what to do by a woman, even his own mother. But a man telling him, that is different. Even at such a young age, the male instinct is to want to post himself in the superior position.

On the same show they reviewed scientific evidence that showed that by nature men are more aggressive and domineering, and women are more subordinate and meek. They said the differences can often be seen even in new born babies who have had no exposure to social conditioning. Their conclusion was, it came along with the body. 3 year olds whose parents tried to raise boys and girls the same, the differences were measurable and obvious. Put these 3 year old boys and girls in the same room with the same toys, boys will tend to want to play by themselves and will go for the trucks and machines, tools, guns, etc. Girls tend to want to play house together and go for dolls, play houses, etc. As Prabhupad says, man’s duty is to work outside and earn the livelihood - tools, machines, trucks. And woman’s duty is household affairs, raising the children - the dolls, playing house, doll houses, etc. Actually, 3 year olds do not have to be taught this, it is the natural tendency that comes with the material bodies. Rather, modern society and modern schooling works to confuse children as they grow up by trying to artificially teach not to follow our natural tendencies. Modern society teaches that these natural tendencies are socially wrong. This simply creates social and psychological disharmony and confusion. It was a relief to see that now at least some scientific research is showing that, as the modern scientists would say, it’s in the genes. As Srila Prabhupad says, it is constituted by the bodily frame.

What happens in marriages in the West today is that women are artificially encouraged to demand more and more equal rights and equal treatment. (No woman today is going to bow her head down to any man’s feet or take a ‘subordinate’ position. That is considered degrading for women.). The men are taught that to be demanding to be seen as superior is chauvinistic, socially wrong, primitive and backwards thinking. He is taught that to see woman as his equal in all respects is a better or higher and more just way to live.
Then these people marry. But, it is there in the genes. It is there in the bodily constitution in the male. Without any effort on the man’s part, slowly, or even suddenly, it raises out of natural instinct and manifests itself, to the surprise of both parties. He may say something almost insignificant. The woman may disagree and start arguing. Something triggers inside. The man just can’t take it. He demands that she ‘gives-in’ and accepts his view. No way, she isn’t going to take no submissive position with him, after all, has he gone mad or something? Doesn’t he remember they are at least equal? You ask the man at that point if what he wants is a submissive wife, and he will probably say no. Most men don’t sit down and think about it, but, in reality, that is what he wants. Something inside just makes it unacceptable about the way his wife is dealing with him. He gets angry, she gets angry back. Soon all hell breaks loose as the two go at it. An insignificant argument turns into all out war. Each has to win, neither can or will take the submissive position and ‘give-in’. They will argue and fight and risk everything, children, family, home, happiness, just to be the one who comes out on top. In their all out fight to win, they both loose everything.

Another point that can be made here is that someone in the household has to be designated as the boss. You cannot run a company without a boss. You cannot run a country without a boss. You cannot run a family, even if it is only a family of 2, the man and wife, it will not function normally without a clearly defined ‘boss’ or head.

Vedic science recognizes that men are more domineering and aggressive by nature. (Modern scientific research confirms this). Therefore, Vedic social science teaches that men must be given the role of leader or boss. The husband is the guru of the wife, the head of the house.

Imagine a company where the boss decides he wants to spend some company earnings on more advertising. Well, his secretary doesn’t agree with him, and she tells him she isn’t going to let him. The boss says, "Hey, look, I am the boss and what I say goes". The secretary says, "Oh yeah, well I work as many hours as you do, mister, and I say no way. Over my dead body." Soon they start yelling and screaming and calling each other names. The boss writes out the check for the ad, the secretary rips it up. They start physically fighting.

Sounds real bizarre. Obviously, if the boss owns or manages the company, he would have full authority to make the decision and it would be totally out of place for a worker to raise their voice and demand he not make that decision.

Marriage is the same. The wife is meant to take the subordinate position.

Not that a worker or secretary cannot voice their opinions and make useful contributions to the decision process. A good manager would encourage this. But, there are proper and improper ways for that to be done. It is totally out of place and counter productive (and job threatening) for the worker to fight and argue. Marriage is the same way.

I realize I am writing a lot on this one point, but it is a very important point that has to be understood. Woman must understand why they must be trained (or train themselves) to take the submissive position. Because men have the nature to post themselves in the superior position. If the wife disregards this point, and she does not train herself to become and remain submissive, to take the subordinate position, then her marriage may end (sooner then expected) in hell.

Before I go on to another quote by Srila Prabhupad, I have a story to tell in this regard.

From time to time I have spoke with different matajis who were having problems or had divorced. Srila Prabhupad has instructed that in general divorce is caused by the wife not taking to the submissive position. However, time after time when hearing from matajis it seemed to always sound like the men were the rascals. Time after time I kept thinking, "Oh, another exception, it wasn’t the woman who was at fault this time. This time it was the man, he was acting like a rascal".

So, one day I was speaking with another mataji who had just gone through a divorce. Again, when we first spoke she claimed that she had to ‘get out’ of the marriage because her husband started beating her and always arguing and fighting for no reason. She told of simply walking in the door and he would shove her around, yell at her. She said he carried on like this with no cause or reason. I doubted that he would fight for absolutely no reason, but still, it did appear to be ‘another exception’. Srila Prabhupad said that the cause of most all divorce is womanly weakness, that she does not take or remain submissive. Yet, this mataji claimed she was very submissive, that she never fought. She never argued. She was always submissive. It was only him who provoked the fights.

She sounded sincere and I wanted to believe her, and I did for a while, but I also fully accept that Srila Prabhupad is self-realized and that his knowledge of things is far broader than any of us can imagine. Things were not adding up. How could it be that Srila Prabhupad says that most all divorce is the woman’s fault for not being submissive, but time after time it appears to be the man is at fault? I finally told my mind to stop misleading me, I finally said, no, not this time. Srila Prabhupad is right, I and this mataji are simply not understanding things right.

I assumed the premise that in this case, even though it didn’t appear that way to me at first, I assumed that Srila Prabhupad was right and that this mataji, despite the fact that she thought and felt in her heart that she had been so submissive, was in reality not, and therefor was the ultimate cause of the problem.

After assuming this to be true or at least to be, as Srila Prabhupad said, the most likely cause, I asked her what happened, when did the fighting start? She said it started almost immediately, a day or two after the wedding. I asked, "Well, what happened, what were the fights about?" She said the first fights were because the day or so after the wedding, in the evening when they were together all he wanted to do was sit and watch non-sense non-devotee shows on TV. She wanted to sit and read and discuss Srimad Bhagavatam. Okay, so the devotee was in a bit of maya, especially compared to what she was wanting. But, how did the fighting start? Now, as she told me what took place in those first few days, a different story emerged.

Originally she had told me that she had always been so submissive, that she never started a fight and that he fought with her for no reason. Now, she says that what actually happened is that she would get furious with him because she considered he was so fallen. She would tell him off, tell him that he was in maya. She would yell at him to try to get him to stop watching TV. Every time he would turn on the TV she would make a scene with him. She demanded that he turn it off and that he read scripture with her.

What happened over the months and several years after this is that he would fight back and the fights simply became more and more intense and they would fight over any thing. They would fight over nothing.

Now, it appeared that what Srila Prabhupad said actually did apply in this case. I told her she was at fault, that she was the cause of her marriage breaking up, that she was the cause of the fighting and misery. That surprised her. But, she had already changed her original story. Originally she fully believed that she had always been a very submissive wife and that she never started any fights. But, now she told me that she started the first fights, and the attitude she described was far from being that of a submissive wife.

Far from feeling herself subordinate to her husband, far from respecting him as her ‘Prabhu’, Master, and guru, instead she considered him to be ‘fallen’. According to her, he was in complete maya. She considered herself to be ‘superior’. Because of this, she saw nothing wrong for her to chastise her husband-guru. She saw nothing wrong for her to tell off her master. She saw nothing wrong for her to shout at him, to get raging mad and angry with him. That is exactly what Srila Prabhupad means when he says that nearly all divorces are because the women are not submissive to their husbands.

But, wait, you say (as she was saying), aren’t I forgetting that this man was in a bit of maya? After all, he wanted only to sit down and watch non-devotee TV shows while she wanted to sit down and discuss philosophy and scripture. Isn’t she much more advanced than he? Should she have to ‘lower’ herself down to his level? (And she used that sort of terminology herself in describing the situation).

First of all, she was taking very reckless steps in assuming that she was, in fact, more advanced than her husband. Second of all, even if she were, was all of this of such importance to have cost them the marriage?

Lets look at some other facets of this incident. At the time I spoke with her she had been divorced some time, I think at least 6 months or more. He had been steadily engaged in service for many years, and he remained fixed in his service. She, on the other hand, although continuing to remain somewhat engaged, was having a real hard time of it. She was engaged at least 3 days a week on Sankirtan, book distribution, well, maybe 6 days a week, but most days only for an hour or two. She was psychologically a mess. She very much needed a husband, a guide, someone to ‘help’ her, lead her, show her the way, tell her what to do. She also knew that very well. Now, without her husband, she was really struggling to stay engaged, and mentally she was practically a lost cause. Is that the result of her being more fixed and advanced in her development of Krishna Consciousness?

Her husband, on the other hand, was remarrying, singing kirtans in the temple and remained steadily engaged.

Overall, who is more or less advanced? Sure, she was distributing Prabhupad’s books, and yes, he likes watching a little non-sense TV. But, he also was steadily engaged in service, and she was not without her own imperfections. But, she saw his largest faults and she turned a blind eye to his good virtues. She closed her eyes to her own faults and only saw her good virtues, therefore she really believed that she was superior, more advanced, and that he was fallen down in maya. That was wrong, and ultimately the results show this not to be the fact.

But, what about his watching TV causing her to fall down, or bringing her Krishna Consciousness down? (That was her argument). Unimportant. He own fall down, her own fault is that she did not tolerate his imperfection. She allowed a small inconvenience to ruin her (and partially his) entire life. It was not so great a fault to have cost her her happiness and marriage.

It is true, no man should become a husband or father if he can’t lead his dependents out of the cycle of birth and death. And, it is true that a woman should not marry a man who is less advanced than herself. A brahman can marry a girl from the ksatriya or vaishya, even sudra class (Manu states that his first wife must be brahman, and if he wants a sudra as a wife, she must be his 4th wife). But, it is strongly recommended that a brahman girl not marry anyone less than a brahman. Then the marriage will be mismatched. The man is to be the guru, the authority for the girl. If he is of an equal or higher class, then automatically he is spiritually her authority, but if she is from a higher class, then the marriage is out of balance. Therefore those who arrange marriages must be sure to allow for this in choosing proper mates.

But, it is also taught that we must simply accept what Krishna gives us. Once the marriage is made, it is past the point of no return. Then husband and wife must make the best use of a bad bargain, as in the eyes of the scripture there is no such thing as divorce. As long as the man remains a devotee, even if he has fall downs and has faults, even if he is not perfect, it remains the duty of the wife to remain submissive and to serve him as his devotee.

What should a submissive and Krishna Conscious wife have done in that circumstance? Tolerate her husband, and not loose respect. Remain humble, but use her intelligence properly. Yes, she realized watching TV would bring her down. So, she should have used her intelligence in how to pacify her husband, not antagonize him, which is what she did.

If he insists on watching TV, an ideal wife would have approached her husband with a concerned smile, with folded hands, with soothing and sweet, but compelling words, and explained her point of view, that it was non-sense, then, doing something she knows would please him, like bringing him a cup of his favorite juice, or rubbing his feet, or something that pleases him, explain nicely that for the protection of her own Krishna Consciousness she would like no part of watching the TV, then ask his permission to read in the other room when the TV is on.

If she comes on so sweetly, so surrendered and submissive, then at least there would have been no fight, no agitation. At least his heart would have melted a bit, he would be thinking, "Wow, what a wonderful and Krishna Conscious wife I’ve got". However, he may also think, "Oh no, I wanted a wife who would enjoy sitting and watching TV with me, what have I got, some kind of angel from heaven?" He would have probably done one of 3 things. Either he would have immediately realized she was right, he was in a bit of maya, and would have worked to improve himself spiritually, or he would have sort of realized she was right, but didn’t want to give up his maya, but, would make a compromise and not insist that she also join his maya. Or he would not only not want to give up his maya, but continue to insist that she join him, but with one major difference than if she were not submissive. He would not be angry at this point and there would be only a peaceful atmosphere so far.

Now, if he choose one of the first 2 alternatives, the marriage would have been off to a wonderful start and she would have been far ahead of where she was by not being submissive. If he chose the 3rd alternative, well, at least peace would still prevail. At that point, a submissive wife would have to weigh the fact that he has this fault, but he is still a devotee, therefore she still must remain submissive and have to join him in watching TV. Manu Samhita says a wife must remain submissive and faithful even if the husband is void of all good qualities. Even if he is having affairs outside the house, what to speak of simply in a little maya. Srila Prabhupad says the wife must submissively serve the husband as long as the husband is not addicted to the four principles of sinful life and is no longer a devotee.

For the sake of argument, lets say that the husband still insists that his wife watch TV with him. Then she has to remain submissive and agree, without anger. She can still, from time to time, with respect, with folded hands, with humility, keep reminding him it is maya and tell him that she prefer he stop. Lets say he never stops. Well, what is worse 3 years latter? He is still engaged in his devotional service, she is still engaged, and by being fully submissive there would have been not one fight, not one argument in the house. Despite having to have had to watch TV for a few years, she would be happy in her marriage, and after 3 years of her sweet persuasion, it would be most unlikely they would still be watching non-devotee shows for that long.

If she had remained fully submissive, the Goddess of Fortune would have come to their home.

Simply watching a few TV shows is not sufficient cause for being disrespectful, for fighting with one’s guru / husband and for ultimately breaking up the marriage. This couple did not have children. However, most couples do by the time their marriage broke up. That would have been a much greater tragedy.

It is my humble opinion that the wife should tolerate the faults of the husband, remain faithful, sweetly disposed and submissive, then family life will become happy and peaceful. From the position of being sweet, of being subservient, of being the best possible wife any man could want, from that position she can win his heart and has the greatest control or influence over her husband. From that position she will be helping him the best to deal with whatever faults he may have. But, it is not the wife’s position to try and rectify the husband. By her sweet and wonderful attitude a truly submissive wife can be a great spiritual boon for the devotee husband.

By arguing, demanding, commanding, fighting to the end to ‘win’, by trying to ‘defeat’, by trying to ‘make him listen, make him understand’, which are all actions that put the wife in the superior position over her husband, all of this not only turns a man’s heart off, not only turns off his compassion and affection, not only looses any influence she could have over him, but it is the surest way to bring out the natural male instinct of wanting and having to post himself as being superior. The more the wife commands, demands and fights and argues, the more intensely and forcefully the man angrily fights back in an attempt to post himself in his superior position. The more intensely he fights back, the more frustrated the wife becomes. The more the wife is unsubmissive, the more and more frustrated the husband becomes. Soon the level of frustration with each other flows into all aspects of their relationship. Each come to a position of 0 degree tolerance of each other’s never noticed before faults and small imperfections. Soon fighting, even violent fighting, may erupt over seemingly insignificant causes, fueled by shear frustration of the souring relationship. Such a marriage winds up in hell, then divorce appears to be the only way out of such a hell.

However, even at such a late stage, it is salvageable ONLY if the wife understands this science and immediately and fully takes up her dutiful position in society and fully submits herself to her husband and totally controls her anger and puts on only a sweet and pleasing personality around her husband in order to win back his heart. Such marriages can be saved. But, it is entirely up to the wife to save it.

These are my conclusions based on my realizations of Srila Prabhupad’s teachings in this matter.

I spent a lot of time on this point because it is very important for women to understand. Finally, lets move on to another quote by Srila Prabhupad.

Room Conversation Vrndaban Sept. 9, 1976

Hari-sauri: Once a woman was married, then that was finished. No connection with another man

Prabhupada: No, no. That one marriage is sufficient. She must remain very faithful to her husband, chaste. That is wanted. Not that "I do not like this husband. I’ll change." That is not wanted.

Hari-sauri: That’s Western mentality.

Prabhupada: Whatever your father and mother has chosen, that’s all. He’s your worshipable husband. ...But that old man, not less than sixty-five, and this young woman, utmost twenty to twenty-five. She was serving the husband like anything. We have seen it. There is no question of changing or being dissatisfied. ...It is a question of culture. Culture. She was king’s daughter, royal, and married her with a muni, old, rotten. Older than me. All the skin has become slackened. But still she was serving him just like worshipable lord. The age difference is great-grandfather and great-granddaughter.

It is a question of culture. And to establish culture it means training. Cultural training start from birth. Every young boy and girl should know their Vedic duties in life. They should be well trained. The girl at home by her parents and the boy at the home/ashram of his guru.

Another very important point Srila Prabhupad makes here. For a woman to remain life-long faithful to her one husband, it is a question of Culture. And to establish culture it requires training. Training from birth. Every young boy and girl must know their Vedic duties as man and wife and they must be well trained.

This training must start at birth. It must be there all one’s life. My mother-in-law told us that she was trained how important it was to remain always submissive to her (future) husband from birth. She was trained by her father, mother, grand father and other family members. Not just mentioned, but trained, actually trained from birth.

To establish this higher standard in our society can be done, it is a question of culture and culture requires training.

The incident he was referring to about was regarding a friend of his father’s. When Srila Prabhupad was a young man his father had one friend who when he was around 65 his first wife died. His sister insisted that he take another wife, so she let it be known her brother would except another wife. The father of one girl gave over his daughter. Srila Prabhupad was same as, maybe even older than the girl, yet he said he used to call her Didi. Didi is an address for an elder sister or elder aunt.

Srimad Bhagavatam 3.24.5 Purport